Hello lovely! It’s been too long. I’m not sure I can fully explain why I haven’t done a full blog post in awhile, but mostly, every time I tried to write one, I was unsure of what to say or how to say it. I feel like I’ve been struggling with my voice a bit and the message I was hoping to convey, and really just felt a little writer blocked! I guess it happens. But I’ve decide to just be myself and stop self-editing so much and just go for it, and talk about what I’ve been struggling with lately. And here it is.
For the past month or so, I’ve been planning on starting a Whole30 in June. This is basically how my thought process went: Hmmm… it’s been awhile since I’ve done a Whole30. I see that I have June mostly free without major events that would require me to eat cake or whatnot. So that sounds good. So I began the process. I picked my start date. I told a few people about it. I even went food shopping on Memorial Day and got an epic Whole30 grocery haul, which I obviously took a picture of to share with you.
Then I spent hours food prepping and suddenly got overwhelmed and stopped to think. First, we had to tear our kitchen apart because we found out we had a mouse (GROSS – think we’ve already gotten rid of him though, fingers crossed), so I was stressed about that and food prepping in chaotic conditions. I looked at my calendar again and realized, just this week alone I was getting a filling (read: want to eat a liquid meal), had a girls dinner planned, and had my mother’s birthday. And most importantly, I couldn’t think of a good reason I was doing it.
Like many of us, I struggle with disordered eating in the way that I have guilt when I eat, and find that when I’m restricting by counting calories/points/etc, I really struggle mentally with beating myself up (“I went 50 calories over! I quit, I’m such a failure,” etc). The reason I loved Whole30 was because I knew it served a much larger purpose – it wasn’t about restricting your food and dieting. It was about eating clean and finding out which foods make you feel great and which make you feel lousy. And it made me realize how much eating whole foods made me feel awesome.
And that’s when I realized I was doing a Whole30 for the wrong reasons. When it really came down to it, I was feeling like I needed to restrict. I was feeling slightly out of control, and most recently, I had just gotten back from a vacation and was feeling a bit overindulged. I wasn’t looking to do a food re-introduction. I realized, I was choosing a Whole30 for an unhealthy reason and falling back into bad habits.
Really, I keep forgetting about Food Freedom Forever and what it teaches you about life after Whole30: that it’s not either Whole30 or face first into ice cream, it’s finding that healthy balance. So I decided to do a brief reset instead – a few days to get my sugar cravings under control and remember how good I feel eating clean. And it’s going great so far! I’m two days in and feel awesome. I said no to a butterbeer donut and peanut M&Ms, and didn’t weep. I have more energy and feel less bloaty. And I’m kind of proud of myself for not diving into a Whole30 just because I felt the need to gain control and that’s it. Yay for making progress and choosing healthy and happy over disordered eating!
Hope everyone has an amazing rest of the week 🙂 I’m going to go eat some healthy grub and get to bed early! I was up early for a workout (loving the morning workout schedule!) and am ready to pass out! Zzzzzz.